I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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