It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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