you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
