so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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