and she was petting her beer can
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
