He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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