Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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