Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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