she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
