just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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