So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
