I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
