so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
