I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
