I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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