well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
