I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
