There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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