She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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