...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Never joke about your clitoris.
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