this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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