she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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