He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
