She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
