I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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