people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
