You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
