So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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