he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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