I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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