She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
