In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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