ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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