I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
