This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
someone owes me an orgasm
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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