Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
