That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
