I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
