There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
