when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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