If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Welp...herpes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize