God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
