I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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