whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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