I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
