last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
