New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
