I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize