I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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