it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
