So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
