i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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