found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
