i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
