I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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