I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
