Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
