still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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