when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What drink are we having for lunch?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
