Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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