Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
