You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
