I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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