never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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