You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
