wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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