Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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